I believe in disbelief.

I have this “bad” habit, that I can’t really fix. Doubting.

I doubt a lot. I doubt when my friends tell me something, when I hear a lecture from a teacher, and even when my parents talk to me. It has annoyed many of my friends because I kept asking them things like, “is this really true?”, “did you steal my thing?”. But I can’t stop it. Doubting is my habit. It comes from my curiosity and some analytical mind that I have. I need to see that things are adding up and how they make sense before I actually believe in something.

People would say a doubting habit is bad. Indeed, it may annoy your friends and families and might result in bad social relationships. However, I believe in disbelief. Doubting and questioning are not only crucial to scientific reasoning, but it has also saved my life a few times.

One of them was at a night, 10 years ago. I was a first-grade student who just finished writing his diary and was ready to sleep. Back then, my mom would stay beside me on my bed until I fell asleep. I guess I was afraid of the dark and being alone. I closed my eyes, as usual, watching the glow-in-the-dark star stickers on the ceiling glow through the night. When the stars seemed to sink into the darkness, I heard a familiar sound: a sound produced by two metal bars colliding. It was a familiar sound because my laundry hanger would make that sound whenever I would fold the metal arms together. I thought somebody was doing the laundry outside. Since the sound was annoying, I asked my mom, “who is outside?” Then she answered, “it’s grandma doing the laundry.” I could have believed her words and sleep, but of course, I didn’t.

Half-believing her words, I had a little doubt in my heart; my gut had felt something wrong. I began to doubt and think of possible things that would produce that sound. Is it really grandma? Or my dad? My neighbor? Or someone outside… Annoyed by my own creepy thoughts and imaginations, I decided to open my heavy eyelids and check to see who’s there, to kill my own doubts.

First thing I checked was the light that was supposed to peek through the door if my grandma was doing the laundry outside the room. However, the only light I could see was the light coming from the city through the window, and the glowing stars that seemed to be a little dimmer than the ones I last remember.

Fearing that my terrible imaginations are becoming true, I begged my mother to check outside, to see who’s making this sound. She was annoyed by my sudden weird request, but she eventually went out, and I followed her.

We followed the sound. I opened the door where the sound seemed to be coming from. When I saw where this “cling” was coming from I realized that my worst imagination was true. There was a robber, who was trying to break through the metal bars of the window.

My mom shouted so loud, that even I was scared by that scream. Perhaps it surprised the robber too, and he ran away. Then she told me to go back to my room since she was busy calling the security guards. As I came back to my room, I couldn’t sleep again. It wasn’t because I was afraid of the dark, or the robber, but because I was thrilled that my doubt has saved me.

So next time when you see me or other friends doubt, just think of it as a process of making sure that everything is adding up. You never know when it will save your life. Disbelief will make belief more powerful. This I believe.